Dear telemarketer!

The next time one of you calls me with a free something or another if I pay shipping... This is obviously a ploy to get into my account so you can ding me for $79.95 a month. If you do it again three things will happen...

First; I will find out where you are. Google is good at this, and I have access to other services if you succeed in hiding from them.

Second; you will hear the sound of a Harley Davidson climbing up the necessary flights of stairs necessary to reach your office. I will park said Harley upon your desk, and change out the oil without using a pan.

Third; Then I'll get really nasty with you.....