Saturday, October 27, 2007

When you want to kill everyone and everything, It's time to get out of traffic!

Open letter to everyone who drives behind me in traffic...
Where did you get the idea that my turn signal was a demand for you to jump over in the lane I want in, and deny me the access to that lane? I'm not joking with the gun- psycho bumper stickers on my car. People like you made me like this. Let's not put my name in the paper, and have some professional undertaker and funeral director have to search far and wide for something nice to say about you and fail! I knew it was a mistake to sell that beater of an 87 olds for a nicer car. If I had a car I wasn't afraid to ding, I'd show you what I learned in executive protection classes in the 80's. I'm gonna get a hold of another beater and your ignorant and vacuous asses are gonna be mine......

love and kisses.

As you may be able to pick up from my enraged scribblings, yesterday was an exceptionally bad traffic day. The clowns mistaking my lane change signal for permission for them to obstruct my life, the people trying to take off my fenders the hard way. If there was an example of vehicular bad behavior that wouldn't be terminally fatal for someone, I was treated to a ringside seat to view it today. If I had a gun, I'd have shot someone and claimed self defense. I had a fear for my life out there today.

And Ironically, my Dad and I pay insurance companies in excess of $4000 a year for this 'privilege'. Add the NuBug's lease payment, repairs, and $3-400 worth of fuel per month.... we could better spend that on wine, and women. Who elected us saviors of the determined, terminally stupid anyway?

People! If I can't hunt them, why should I conserve them.......


Matt G said...


Don't carry.

Buy an Enya C.D.

Learn to smile while you're making eye contact and flipping them off.

John B said...

Thanks Matt, I really needed that one. I'm actually afraid that I MIGHT be carrying for another reason, and lose it in traffic. I usually keep the ammo in the locked glove box, and the gun in the trunk.

Gotta be Enya huh? no runaways, Leta Ford, Iron Maidens.

Just kiddin' I used to like those other girls, but Enya does sorta cry out to my celtic heritage...

Pagan Blacksmith said...

Might I suggest "The Donnas", a more positive beat, less melody than Enya and has a Bjork Screetch rating of 0.

I still believe a person's car is an extension of their home. If I wish to place embattlement turrets on the house as fortification, why can I not do the same on the car?

:-) Yes, and twin .50 belt fed aimed to cross at 150 feet in front of the car would be great.

The best defense is a strong offense. So, get a larger vehicle where the head lights are up high, and re-aim them. The passenger light should go to their rear-view mirror and the driver mirror to their passing mirror. Once you have them lined up, high-light them. :-)