Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My Drink's all over the keyboard

And it's half her fault!!!

I love this blog!

more of a comic strip. If you aren't a fan of the Dr Who TV Show don't bother, you wont get it.

Also in other news, My Lesbian Stalker is violating her restraining order. Works as well as the one did in Goodbye Earl!

And the incipient 12 year old has been told that no licensed piercing place will pierce a 12 year old.
I'll let her stew a bit then gift her the fake piercing bead. And hope to god she doesn't swallow it or something stupid...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Piercing Commentary

One of the resident house-apes, the oldest one, wants to have her tongue pierced for her 12th Birthday. I actually have no standing or authority to tell her no. I did dig out my kit, from the time, before time, that I was a professional piercer. Yeah like I said in a prior post, there are things, and deeds, in my life, I'd rather not admit to. I figure I can get a pair of Pennington forceps out, and let her sit quietly, for several sessions of five minutes each, with that clamp on her tongue. Sort of training for the main event. I worked under a piercer that used to keep the clamp on for five minutes, before he'd even do the look through the tongue with the light. He got the cash in advance for the piercing, so if they chickened out, or just left in a huff, he was that much richer. I actually made excellent money, but I lacked the sadistic streak to enjoy the work. I'm not the BDSM Master I pretend to be. But keep that to yourself mr and ms intarwebz.....

Any other tips to dissuade a young woman from growing up to fast?

Monday, September 22, 2008

stalker alarm clock

woke me at 5:19 this morning. I successfully goaded her into speaking, a confirming bit. I'm documenting as well as I can, seeing that I'm 15+ years out of my fone phreak days, thus a little short on phone taps for Nokia cell phones. With the new single party consent laws, I don't even have to worry about legal backlash like I did in the old days.

In the old days, I'd just chain her name, address, and phone number out on a sex offender board and let her deal with her new-found popularity.

I never liked the good guys on tv or the comics, they never got to kill the bad guys, and a bad guy you don't kill, is one who will be back in your face one way or another.

I have had this conversation with friends, usually on the side of the angels, killing someone is easy, living with yourself afterwards is the hard part.

No matter how bad the person was, or how good you are, and your reasons for having to kill him, you still have to live with the person you have become. I sometimes have problems enough looking the man in the mirror straight in the eye. I'd never be able to shave properly again if I killed someone without a dammed good reason.

I've pulled down a house, that had been rented by someone unfortunate enough to be my enemy. That basically gave me the reputation for being someone not to mess with.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the Mad Lesbian Stalker, without mayhem -or lawyers- would be greatly appreciated.....

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

You might be a Ferenghi if.....

You have yet to leave feedback for an item you bought on eBay.....
That you already re-sold on eBay.

mad magazine

there was a copy someone, probably a clerk, placed by the register. I couldn't resist the cover shot of Alfred E Newman done over to look like Barry O. Inside was an advert for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN starring Johnny McC.

Yep Mad Still gots it.

I'd have gotten it but $5.00 aint cheap....

my stalker calleth

A wake-up call, that's cool. now if she could file, type, and make coffee, I'd hire her!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Oh NO you DIDN'T!!!!

This is a hilarious commercial for a Game called Mercs 2 on that 360 X-Box. I'll get one when the hock shops are giving them away! I made a whole bunch on cheap-ass internet terminals out of dumpster dived xBoxen. But I'm digging that Oh No You Didn't song. I'm thinking of sending an mp.3 of it to my Stalker....

Monday, September 15, 2008

I try to stay out of online political discourse!

But this one is way too good. SARAH PALIN, Gubber of Alaska, Foreign Policy Whiz, and Gunny Goddess. What makes her irresistibly adorable, is that she lays bare the total hypocrisy in the Democratic party. Being Black or Female is OK just as long as you are a Democratic Socialist Black or Female. Dare to be anything less than a JACKASS, and the racist and sexist fangs pop right up in those mealy mouths.

This guy says it better than I ever could.

I'm sorry, but if the Dems keep maintaining that their candidate, Satan Incarnate, is a better choice than the opposition just because the opposing candidate is the other party, I have to question their viability as a party any more.....

My Lesbian Stalker

My Girlfriend's Girlfriend is phone harassing me. This is like Dennis The Menace trying to annoy Darth Vader. The Farce is strong in this one. I mean she's like a fatter version of this:

Tina the Troubled Teen

Oooohhhhhh! I'm soooo terrorfried!
In the old days, this yutz would be sitting in the demolished remains of her rented house, and the demolished remains of her life, saying, "I sure fucked with the wrong psychotic mommy-spanker!" But I'm older, wiser, and less inclined to go to jail for stupid shit.

But she's still messing with me! Any suggestions gentle readers?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I'm ALL over that!

I'd have to say having kids in the house, makes me violently opposed to having any of my own. Every 10-15 years I get a new lesson in puppy-proofing my place. But they all grow up and become well trained canine companions. With kids, when you master one set of calamities, they grow into a new set of troubles. I do feel sorry for this batch though. They will need strong mentoring to become humans, and they won't get it from their current or projectable future environment.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Good One!

Check out Matt's Blog!

My New Love!

For God's Sake! John! You're more faithful to your wimmin than yer guns....

My new sweetheart is a Smith and Wesson 457 pistol in .45acp. 200 rounds, with the hope of 100 more this weekend. As Breda would say, Shooty Goodness! Having checked my population of smiths lately, I've got 4 more than I did when the limeys owned the company. 4 more than I thought I'd ever own.

I'm being Stalked!

By my Girlfriend's Girlfriend no less. Her actions have practically assured that my girlfriend will be my faithful helpmate, and bear me strong sons and daughters, whether I want her to or not. Now if this woman/child looked like Sharon Stone or even Glenn Close, I'm talking about the stalker here, she'd probable bait her hook, and try again. Unfortunately She's less than palatable, and I guess she figures if she fights hard enough, I'll get disgusted and leave. Scary part is that I'm not even sure I want to keep this woman, my girlfriend, she fights with my friends, and throws ultimatums in my face too often.

UPDATE: The Lesbian Lover of my girlfriend, and stalker of Yours truly is a super deadbeat. All I gotta do is drop a half dollar, and call support enforcement.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Roomie From HELL!

and she needs to go there! B-word stole my car, and was gone for three whole days. Not only is she vexing me by stealing my car and wasting my gas, she's also screwing over her daughter who is staying over at the domestic violence shelter. My station wagon is the only car that can haul around her 4 children. So she massively damaged all of us, and she's back without the slightest sign of remorse. Lying about where she was, and trying to make it all my fault.

Update: The daughter is living at our house now with her 4 children, that cold, piece of work that is her mother, dropped the kids off right in front of the shelter. They of course got kicked out for that.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

oh yeah!

by the way, the girl friend and I are off again. Anytime I don't do exactly as she wants, whether she articulates her wishes to me or not, she immediately finds the most hateful, hurtful thing to do in revenge. She really doesn't want to play that game with me. When it comes to revenge, I could instruct Renaissance Italians. Her going out to the Gay Bar, and finding the most hideous lesbian to play with is tacky, even by my admittedly low standards.

My first impulse is to have a weekend fling with her former roomie. The person she most detests below all others aside from her ex husband.

I'll be the bigger man, and just have a conciliatory threesome with Rosy and Lefty!

Fone Phun

I get nights and weekends for free, and I got the T-Mobile 1000 minute plan. I usually don't have a problem letting people make a call on my phone. When you work fairly close with Law Enforcement types, it's kinda embarrassing to take a call in a cop bar, from someone who is responding to a call from 3 days ago, to tell the person who borrowed your phone, 3 days ago, that they got their shit. Then a couple of cops bucking for detective, check your outgoing calls against their little printout of drug dealers numbers and find that 1 out of 3 is a dealer's number.

Good Burger!

Someone sure screwed up at the old Jack In The Box 2nite. These Jumbo Jacks are not only edible, but sublimely good. I'm the sort of guy that people set a bad order in front of, cos' I'm so massively useful to have around. Domino's flagged me and there's 4 large Pizzas there, so I let them know where the late-night and after-hours parties are. Chances are, they knew already, but ya gotta keep the ol' karma rolling along.