Wednesday, October 31, 2007

cross dresser super extra large

I was just boppin' around the blogs. I came upon the Fashion Bitchslap site and spent the next fifteen or so minutes putting my fall outfit together.

Now understand I'm not a cross-dresser. Not because of any lack of inclination, but I'm 6 feet 6 inches tall, 300 plus or minus, and size 13 or 14 shoes.(15 or 16 women's). That plus the fact that I'm balding, bearded, and on the hairy side of hirsute.... You can see that I'd not be a very stylish Transvestite. I used to cross-dress for ladies' night when the reward was two pitchers of beer.

I wasn't an alcoholic for dressing up as a woman for free beer, the guy hitting on me for a glassful from my pitcher...
...HE had serious alcohol issues.

Monday, October 29, 2007

pre cut keys,

Ebay has a couple of sets of 30 pre-cut keys for schlage and kwikset. $9.99 for 30 pairs. When I usually have to un-ass a dollar or three for a pair of keys.... Well, my nipples just got hard. If I can re-key a couple of apartment buildings and get paid, well that's plain pornographic.....

Dear telemarketer!

The next time one of you calls me with a free something or another if I pay shipping... This is obviously a ploy to get into my account so you can ding me for $79.95 a month. If you do it again three things will happen...

First; I will find out where you are. Google is good at this, and I have access to other services if you succeed in hiding from them.

Second; you will hear the sound of a Harley Davidson climbing up the necessary flights of stairs necessary to reach your office. I will park said Harley upon your desk, and change out the oil without using a pan.

Third; Then I'll get really nasty with you.....

Saturday, October 27, 2007

When you want to kill everyone and everything, It's time to get out of traffic!

Open letter to everyone who drives behind me in traffic...
Where did you get the idea that my turn signal was a demand for you to jump over in the lane I want in, and deny me the access to that lane? I'm not joking with the gun- psycho bumper stickers on my car. People like you made me like this. Let's not put my name in the paper, and have some professional undertaker and funeral director have to search far and wide for something nice to say about you and fail! I knew it was a mistake to sell that beater of an 87 olds for a nicer car. If I had a car I wasn't afraid to ding, I'd show you what I learned in executive protection classes in the 80's. I'm gonna get a hold of another beater and your ignorant and vacuous asses are gonna be mine......

love and kisses.

As you may be able to pick up from my enraged scribblings, yesterday was an exceptionally bad traffic day. The clowns mistaking my lane change signal for permission for them to obstruct my life, the people trying to take off my fenders the hard way. If there was an example of vehicular bad behavior that wouldn't be terminally fatal for someone, I was treated to a ringside seat to view it today. If I had a gun, I'd have shot someone and claimed self defense. I had a fear for my life out there today.

And Ironically, my Dad and I pay insurance companies in excess of $4000 a year for this 'privilege'. Add the NuBug's lease payment, repairs, and $3-400 worth of fuel per month.... we could better spend that on wine, and women. Who elected us saviors of the determined, terminally stupid anyway?

People! If I can't hunt them, why should I conserve them.......

Friday, October 26, 2007

Gun Nutty!

OK, so I am a hunting hog. I have handicap access to hunting in three states, and by damn, I USE it! I got the new thing, A H&R .45-70 single shot rifle. The gun is excellent but on my meager earnings, I can only customize so far. This thing kicks harder than my ex-girlfriend. I thought "Hey! Lets cut a plywood template like a shoe tree! Then we lace a rock-climbing tennie runner onto it! If I put 2 pair of gel soles into the shoe before I lace it on, it should kick about as soft as that pencil neck down at the car wash.......

Started on my feverish (sic) obsession. phone cam pics to follow.....

Flu dragging me down!

Welcome to my nightmare.... err blog! first post

I was going out and put myself up for some apartment work. Too sick. I gathered my demo locks up, and my pin change kits. Had to stop for a 90 minute bathroom break. I'm taking the airborne tablets now, so I don't communicate my flu to others. I have a couple of 2x12 demo stands, with Schlage model C, and Kwikset locks. A couple of key-in-knob sets and a deadbolt grace each stand. I have the same sets where I can easily take them apart, and repin them for various different keys. I was toying with the idea of not only making a demo video of my skills, but publishing it to metacafe.