The Post Modern Jerimiah Johnson

Isn't that just the hairy beast?
only five layers there. T-shirt, long sleeve shirt, flannel shirt, sweater, jacket. The jacket is there mainly for the pockets. Somewhere to keep gloves, cell phone, (pictured there), and a flashlight. I took Tam's advice, and practiced doing everything with gloves on. Despite a tendency to drop the magazine during changes, I can handle a pistol quite well in my post-modern mountain man outfit. I miss the old days when I was merely 2XL, and could find a couple layers of thermolactyl, or China Silk long undies. Then I could look and function like it was 60 degrees warmer.....

chest hurts

shoveled too much snow. resting up.

I'm so studly!

I have been schlumphing about the place since my neighbor went upon the security warpath with her wireless router. I could have probably hacked into it, but I kinda like living with my Dad here. as opposed to any of the local prisons. I got a thing from eBay, and I set it up today. Now I have lightning fast internet response, and I might just use a wireless usb adapter on my desktop. when it's fixed.

Snowed In!

This isn't supposed to happen in suburban Spokane.
17 inches in a 24 hour period, breaking the previous record of 13".
I should have slapped on snow tires, I know. I could have skived them off last year.
To add insult to injury. the lil' savages ran off with the snow shovels. They're around the house somewhere. I've explained to those kidis that messing around with the placement of snow shovels is like kinking an oxygen tube or IV line. It's a murder attempt. At this stage the kids can go elsewhere. They are little thieves and sociopaths, and I don't propose to raise anyone elses kids....
been there done that!

Still in the basement!

It weren't the power supply though I have a shiny new one in place. It it the CPU fan. I tried running without, but it won't boot with that plug unoccupied. Really hard for me to convert to liquid cooling I guess. I had some copper squares, some tubing, and an aquarium pump all ready to do a weekend project. I did one of these for a friend, A Junkyard Overclocker. Brass plates with brass tubing, plastic tubing between the cooling plates, and a nasty chemical mix guarenteed to stay at 60 degrees F no matter how much heat enters it. I made the radiator, return tank and electric fuel pump resemble a 'Big Rig' Truck.....

I'll do the liquid cooling, just on another box......

until then I await the arrival of a fan from ebay!

Distracting!

I'm downstairs until I can fix a dead power supply on my front room computer. It's kind of distracting. I have not done any significant work on this computer for about 5 years. There's still a functional version of NETSCAPE on this box. I have a picture of my then Girlfriend on the display. My two upstairs computers, the front room box, and the laptop both have pics of my recently deceased Rottweiler. I'm pretty much revisiting the person I was back then. He was a happy, busy, soul. He hurts for this older version of himself that has been through a almost six year cycle of pain and loss. I still have things, people and relationships that are dear to me, therefore I still will face losses.

Some losses are unaviodable, but some things, like extending charity in the form of offering a place to sleep to a supposed friend, then having that friend try to walk off with my property, well that's just out of line.

Get back to where I once belonged!

That would be the basement. My neighbor stopped being so open and generous with her wi-fi. Then my living room computer died. Away from the prying eyes of disapproval, I can flourish like I did in the old days. Plus this beast hasn't had all the slowing upgrades of my upstairs computer.

Don't hate me ladies!

y'know I just gotta go over to H&S Precision's "Request Catalog" page, and send one out to all those gun grabbing democrats on my christmas card list.

Of course I could never leave bad enough alone,

I gave out dollar store cap pistols. And CAPS, Halloween before last.....
I love smelling burnt caps in a democrat's house...
It smells like victory!

Been out due to constipation and a cold!

So I missed H&S Precision stepping on their Johnson in a big way.
And I thought I was fulla shit last week........

go to Breda or Tam's blogs for the low down.

Myself, I just wanna send them a clip of Dr Phil saying his trademarked phrase...

"WHAT were you THINKING?"

National Ammo Day!

Nov 19th - Today - National Ammo day. Celebrate! Go but 100 rounds of ammo! Buy 2 boxes of pistol, AND 5 of rifle. I know that's 200, but we have to make up for the democrats who don't celebrate holidays.

Back to Work

Well I guess I should have been doing this earlier. I'm going to build a trike or quad cycle using electric power. I'm going to start with a steel platform. Then move to aluminum. once I got a working model, I'll improve the hell out of it. I guess I could start with Mom's power chair she never used, then do the usual upgrades, brushless motor, Lithium Hydride batteries.

I did get some good results 25 years ago with three batteries, and a starter motor.

Even with the gas going below $2, this is necessary. I still have a recurring image of a 1978 Hustler cartoon. An Arab flashing Uncle Sam, A gas nozzle between his legs.

We need to fix matters so we are never again dependent upon those extremist savages for anything.

Most of us could use the exercise!

in prase of cheap guns!

It only cost me $69 used, with a second magazine bringing it up another $7. When the ammo reaches it's fifth birthday, I take this out, plink tin cans, and buy another box. .380 in our house is just a notch above a bedroom gun. She's Cheap, Trashy, and if you handle her wrong, she'll draw blood. For years I had a pair of parallel scars in the web of my hand, where she taught me to grip lower and firmer. A friend had the same model, his always jammed. Being a Vietnam Vet he cheerfully dubbed her "Jammin' Jenny". After she let him down in an unsocial encounter, he left her on the stove top to melt down. My "Jenny" has never let me down, but then I've never put her in the extreme situations my friend put his. I just keep her up high by the door in case of hostile callers. If I carried in that small a caliber, I'd get a barrel for a Makarov, or PA-63. I got her small sister in .22lr, and she's always treated me right. I take her out more.

My Dad's Favorite Cheap Auto is the Raven .25. I think I've had a dozen of those before I turned 21. I used to order the strikers by the dozen anyway.

Oh yeah! any striker fired pistol, first thing order 3 replacement strikers, Damn thing will go out on you at the most inconvenient time. I got a big ol horse of a Hi-Point .45. Not only do I have 3 replacement striker firing pins, I have turned a couple from brass to make sure I have an alternate replacement. Hey if one breaks, and the others are identical...

I once made a firing pin from a brass key, for my H&R Defender .38. Brass is reliable, and will get the job done.

And if it let's you down, you can melt it down and try again.

What She Said!

Unlike Voltaire I agree with everything this woman said.

AND

I'll fight to the death for her right to say it!

She gave me one!

The Ex-Girlfriend is being exasperating. She thinks sexual climax is a competition sport. Since I can brush the back of her neck, and her spine with my 4 day shadow, and have her screaming for more, She thinks she's losing, since I may, or may not, ejaculate. The fact that Ejaculation and Orgasm are separate items doesn't penetrate her comprehension. Also the fact that I'm 46, 380 pounds, diabetic, and on a dozen pills, and 3 injections, 3 times daily, for all the other stuff wrong with me, has evaded her attention. The only reason I'm not filling her up with ejaculate, is that I'm fucking someone else, OR I just don't get turned on by her.

I think I screwed up. I sort of hid out at a friend's house. I never thought of her sexually. In fact I thought of her more as Darth Maul to my Siddious. She listened, as I more or less poured out my soul to her.

Halfway through the night, when I was blitzed from my painkillers, I was basically shown that I could hit the other side of the room with an ejaculation. If my partner wasn't treating beat the cock, like beat the clock. Sorry, I'm riding high on euphoria. I think the ex, is more ex than yesterday.

And where I had a friend who'd kill for me, I now have a Friend With Benefits, if I'm not careful, she has probably popped out, and maimed for me already.

I'm afraid, very afraid.

Never before has a difference of opinion on presidential candidates cost me friends. Even on line ones. I've lost two over the mere suggestion that Barack Obama, a man only a year older than I may not be ready, or qualified, to be President. I personally was ready to forgive them a far more profound insanity.

If he gets elected, death squads will be hunting down those of us who didn't vote for him.....

Is it just me or.......

Freedom Fries?

Freedom Toast?

Freedom Dressing???

Anyone remember a book featuring 

Liberty Gin!

and 

Liberty Cigarettes?

War is Peace

Freedom is Slavery

Ignorance is Strength

And when all else fails.....

Do it to Julia.....

or

Give it to Mikey!!!

It's tearing out my heart!

Chester is still dead, and Ruby, dad's dog, wont go out side unless one of us watches over her. She does the bathroom bit, then tours the whole dog run looking for Chester. She then comes in and looks for him in all his favorite spots. Honey he isn't there. I envy her her denial. A good, smart, dog, with boundless heart, and soul, doesn't happen often. I've been twice blessed. First Copper, his mentor, then Chester. Ruby is going through her denial period. She's actually matured in the last two weeks.

Goodbye Chester!

My best friend ever. He who loved without reservation, Unconditionally! Passed Away this morning sometime between 3 and 4 AM. I will go on, but diminished by more than half. I can't even bury him decently. My choices are mass cremation at spokanimal, or the humane society for $45, or take out to the landfill for $7.

When my time comes, take me out to the landfill.

Big .22lr practice

I have a S&W 422 pistol, that I obtained as an accessory when I received firearms through a FFL agent. Problem is, magazines are $30 each. I'm toying with the purchase of a Ruger 22 pistol. The mags for most Rugers are $9.99 and the pistol is under $200, $170 during christmas at the big box sporting goods stores.

I probably have enough .22lr rifles to equip a strike team to take over a small nation. Aside from a Stoger Luger, made by the Stanley Tool Co, and the Jennings in a previous post, the Smif is all I got. A Ruger 22/45 style would be an excellent practice pistol. I have a few hundred .45 practice reloads from wheel weight metal. My carry ammo is either hollowpoint, or soft lead.
I'd love the copper frangible projectiles...

In other news someone broke the windshield of a hummer carrying McCain Palin stickers.
Vote against Hate and Evil.
Vote for McCain Palin.

I couldn't believe it!

Upon reading Matt G's Better and Better blog. I couldn't believe he hadn't been a user of Bianchi Speed Strips since Chester was a pup.
I myself have been an avid user since 1983, when I read an article by Massad Ayoob....

Of course in extenuation, revolvers hadn't been in common use in police departments for 20 years now. I have some dozens of speed loaders. About a half-dozen 5-shot speedloaders, and none of them fit my H&R Defender.38. I have 6 moon clips in 9mm that fit the reamed out chambers of the original cylinder.

Below L to R. Dad's liteweight Taurus .38, My Defender .38, and my S&W 65-4 .357 together with speedloaders, and Bianchi Speed Strips. The one above the Defender has the .38 S&W rounds in it. Somewhere in storage I have 1200 rounds of that caliber. Most of it from trimmed down .38 spl cases....

Well! so much for marksmanship

We only had time to bang off a box of 50 rounds of 22lr before I got a call. One of the dozens of folks that can't go to the bathroom without me, found out that I had escaped town, and had to call crying, before I made a break for the coast.... Then it had got dark, and the battery in my phone died, so I don't have any pics of the slaughtered former receptacles of del-monte fruit cocktail...

Chester, despite his weakness, and against my wishes, got down and retrieved the shot up cans, while I cleaned up my -and a couple of other folks'- brass. people just don't seem to realize that 22lr is a). recyclable, and b). Dangerous to the environment if left lying about.

While I still got some daylight!

I'm putting my ailing Rotty in the truck, and going to plink some tin cans. I figure we only have 2 or 3 weekends like this. He was staring at the geese, and I swear he had tears in his eyes for times gone by. I know I do. I'm not expecting him to fetch birds. He's gun-trained to wait calmly for commands. Unlike his impetuous house-mate who has gone fetch-crazy and I can't take her anywhere. We're just going to bust some gravel filled cans. I'm going to try for accuracy with the pocket pistol. Usually this takes gallon cans. I'm gonna try with regular cans...

more Chester

He has to work so hard for his movement. He crashes down at any excuse panting like a locomotive. Anyone who actually reads me, please pray for him to have a good recovery, or at least a painless transition to the next life...

Here's a link to one of my first web pages.

And here he is cheering me up in the vet's office!

Chester Update

For those of you on the edge of your seats...

Doc said it might be the cold snap, and he's prescribed a course of steroids for any inflammation, and the usual antibiotics. It might turn out to be a condition to put him in a doggy wheelchair, but as long as he isn't showing pain. He can keep his feet under him today in an ungainly fashion. As long as Ruby, his own true love, doesn't attack him when he's weak.

Chester The Triumphant!

He's a Rottweiler. He's never had an unkind thought for anyone. He HAS told a few people that he was in charge of protecting a property. Now he has numb rear legs. He's not letting that stop him, He'll go running after some thing, and he wont even notice that his rear legs aren't synchronizing. I'm afraid the vet will counsel me to put him out of his misery. But he isn't miserable.

I'm hoping for a medical breakthrough....

Lazy Sunday

I just don't even have the energy to go chase a can with my 22lr. Gotta drive to the country y'know..

Chester got dosed with naproxen, and I'm chasing him on a leash to see if he gonna live. I still think I'm going to buy that dog a sainthood if dad ever wins the lottery. If I win on one of my twice a year purchases, I may buy him a knighthood.

You have GOT to be kidding me!

I just checked amazon.com for a swiss bayonet. no joy. but the site was crawling with victronox swiss army knives. all requiring proof of 18 years of age. Even the stupid screwdriver requires you to be 18 or older. Pah-leeze! I was 9 years old when I started working with tools. Actually I was using tools at 4, but I started getting paid at 9.....

I've gotten Dumber!

My readability level is now.....



It Was......



I blame the elections.....
I console myself with the fact that everyone else is at the junior high level....

new links

check out Pagan Blacksmith....

My Drink's all over the keyboard

And it's half her fault!!!

I love this blog!

more of a comic strip. If you aren't a fan of the Dr Who TV Show don't bother, you wont get it.


Also in other news, My Lesbian Stalker is violating her restraining order. Works as well as the one did in Goodbye Earl!

And the incipient 12 year old has been told that no licensed piercing place will pierce a 12 year old.
I'll let her stew a bit then gift her the fake piercing bead. And hope to god she doesn't swallow it or something stupid...

Piercing Commentary

One of the resident house-apes, the oldest one, wants to have her tongue pierced for her 12th Birthday. I actually have no standing or authority to tell her no. I did dig out my kit, from the time, before time, that I was a professional piercer. Yeah like I said in a prior post, there are things, and deeds, in my life, I'd rather not admit to. I figure I can get a pair of Pennington forceps out, and let her sit quietly, for several sessions of five minutes each, with that clamp on her tongue. Sort of training for the main event. I worked under a piercer that used to keep the clamp on for five minutes, before he'd even do the look through the tongue with the light. He got the cash in advance for the piercing, so if they chickened out, or just left in a huff, he was that much richer. I actually made excellent money, but I lacked the sadistic streak to enjoy the work. I'm not the BDSM Master I pretend to be. But keep that to yourself mr and ms intarwebz.....

Any other tips to dissuade a young woman from growing up to fast?

stalker alarm clock

woke me at 5:19 this morning. I successfully goaded her into speaking, a confirming bit. I'm documenting as well as I can, seeing that I'm 15+ years out of my fone phreak days, thus a little short on phone taps for Nokia cell phones. With the new single party consent laws, I don't even have to worry about legal backlash like I did in the old days.

In the old days, I'd just chain her name, address, and phone number out on a sex offender board and let her deal with her new-found popularity.

I never liked the good guys on tv or the comics, they never got to kill the bad guys, and a bad guy you don't kill, is one who will be back in your face one way or another.

I have had this conversation with friends, usually on the side of the angels, killing someone is easy, living with yourself afterwards is the hard part.

No matter how bad the person was, or how good you are, and your reasons for having to kill him, you still have to live with the person you have become. I sometimes have problems enough looking the man in the mirror straight in the eye. I'd never be able to shave properly again if I killed someone without a dammed good reason.

I've pulled down a house, that had been rented by someone unfortunate enough to be my enemy. That basically gave me the reputation for being someone not to mess with.

Any suggestions on how to deal with the Mad Lesbian Stalker, without mayhem -or lawyers- would be greatly appreciated.....

You might be a Ferenghi if.....

You have yet to leave feedback for an item you bought on eBay.....
That you already re-sold on eBay.

mad magazine

there was a copy someone, probably a clerk, placed by the register. I couldn't resist the cover shot of Alfred E Newman done over to look like Barry O. Inside was an advert for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN starring Johnny McC.

Yep Mad Still gots it.

I'd have gotten it but $5.00 aint cheap....

my stalker calleth

A wake-up call, that's cool. now if she could file, type, and make coffee, I'd hire her!

Oh NO you DIDN'T!!!!

This is a hilarious commercial for a Game called Mercs 2 on that 360 X-Box. I'll get one when the hock shops are giving them away! I made a whole bunch on cheap-ass internet terminals out of dumpster dived xBoxen. But I'm digging that Oh No You Didn't song. I'm thinking of sending an mp.3 of it to my Stalker....

I try to stay out of online political discourse!

But this one is way too good. SARAH PALIN, Gubber of Alaska, Foreign Policy Whiz, and Gunny Goddess. What makes her irresistibly adorable, is that she lays bare the total hypocrisy in the Democratic party. Being Black or Female is OK just as long as you are a Democratic Socialist Black or Female. Dare to be anything less than a JACKASS, and the racist and sexist fangs pop right up in those mealy mouths.

This guy says it better than I ever could.

I'm sorry, but if the Dems keep maintaining that their candidate, Satan Incarnate, is a better choice than the opposition just because the opposing candidate is the other party, I have to question their viability as a party any more.....

My Lesbian Stalker

My Girlfriend's Girlfriend is phone harassing me. This is like Dennis The Menace trying to annoy Darth Vader. The Farce is strong in this one. I mean she's like a fatter version of this:



Oooohhhhhh! I'm soooo terrorfried!
In the old days, this yutz would be sitting in the demolished remains of her rented house, and the demolished remains of her life, saying, "I sure fucked with the wrong psychotic mommy-spanker!" But I'm older, wiser, and less inclined to go to jail for stupid shit.

But she's still messing with me! Any suggestions gentle readers?

I'm ALL over that!

I'd have to say having kids in the house, makes me violently opposed to having any of my own. Every 10-15 years I get a new lesson in puppy-proofing my place. But they all grow up and become well trained canine companions. With kids, when you master one set of calamities, they grow into a new set of troubles. I do feel sorry for this batch though. They will need strong mentoring to become humans, and they won't get it from their current or projectable future environment.

Good One!

Check out Matt's Blog!

My New Love!

For God's Sake! John! You're more faithful to your wimmin than yer guns....

My new sweetheart is a Smith and Wesson 457 pistol in .45acp. 200 rounds, with the hope of 100 more this weekend. As Breda would say, Shooty Goodness! Having checked my population of smiths lately, I've got 4 more than I did when the limeys owned the company. 4 more than I thought I'd ever own.

I'm being Stalked!

By my Girlfriend's Girlfriend no less. Her actions have practically assured that my girlfriend will be my faithful helpmate, and bear me strong sons and daughters, whether I want her to or not. Now if this woman/child looked like Sharon Stone or even Glenn Close, I'm talking about the stalker here, she'd probable bait her hook, and try again. Unfortunately She's less than palatable, and I guess she figures if she fights hard enough, I'll get disgusted and leave. Scary part is that I'm not even sure I want to keep this woman, my girlfriend, she fights with my friends, and throws ultimatums in my face too often.

UPDATE: The Lesbian Lover of my girlfriend, and stalker of Yours truly is a super deadbeat. All I gotta do is drop a half dollar, and call support enforcement.

The Roomie From HELL!

and she needs to go there! B-word stole my car, and was gone for three whole days. Not only is she vexing me by stealing my car and wasting my gas, she's also screwing over her daughter who is staying over at the domestic violence shelter. My station wagon is the only car that can haul around her 4 children. So she massively damaged all of us, and she's back without the slightest sign of remorse. Lying about where she was, and trying to make it all my fault.

Update: The daughter is living at our house now with her 4 children, that cold, piece of work that is her mother, dropped the kids off right in front of the shelter. They of course got kicked out for that.

oh yeah!

by the way, the girl friend and I are off again. Anytime I don't do exactly as she wants, whether she articulates her wishes to me or not, she immediately finds the most hateful, hurtful thing to do in revenge. She really doesn't want to play that game with me. When it comes to revenge, I could instruct Renaissance Italians. Her going out to the Gay Bar, and finding the most hideous lesbian to play with is tacky, even by my admittedly low standards.

My first impulse is to have a weekend fling with her former roomie. The person she most detests below all others aside from her ex husband.

I'll be the bigger man, and just have a conciliatory threesome with Rosy and Lefty!

Fone Phun

I get nights and weekends for free, and I got the T-Mobile 1000 minute plan. I usually don't have a problem letting people make a call on my phone. When you work fairly close with Law Enforcement types, it's kinda embarrassing to take a call in a cop bar, from someone who is responding to a call from 3 days ago, to tell the person who borrowed your phone, 3 days ago, that they got their shit. Then a couple of cops bucking for detective, check your outgoing calls against their little printout of drug dealers numbers and find that 1 out of 3 is a dealer's number.

Good Burger!

Someone sure screwed up at the old Jack In The Box 2nite. These Jumbo Jacks are not only edible, but sublimely good. I'm the sort of guy that people set a bad order in front of, cos' I'm so massively useful to have around. Domino's flagged me and there's 4 large Pizzas there, so I let them know where the late-night and after-hours parties are. Chances are, they knew already, but ya gotta keep the ol' karma rolling along.

Laughing Locksmith is hurting badly!

My own true love and I were reunited. All misunderstandings forgiven, forgotten!
She had met a friend, and She couldn't wait to have us meet each other.
Her new friend is a woman I considered my baby sister 20 years ago.
This woman was badly hurt tonight, and I'm trying to be patient while the cops do their methodical bit.
But If I'm not heard from for 6 weeks, you may assume I cheerfully went to prison,
for beating to death that which hurt her.

Hey Tam! Y'spose we could maybe go to a movie?

This One?

Hannah Montana

I have grand nieces, So I know more than a 46 year old man should about who Hannah Montana really is. A generation ago there was a former chippendale dancer named Billy Ray Cyrus. Having failed to gain the adulation of million women throngs by dancing in a near or total unclad state, he turned to writing Country Western songs as a way to advance his foul agenda of wooing shallow women. He accomplished this with an annoying composition called Achey Breaky Heart. I did a prodigious feat of electronics to replace this with Harry Nilson's, "You're breaking my heart so fuck you"

Livid that I, a mere commoner, would committ such a brazen act of disrespect against him, He went on to annoy me in the TV show: Doc. Our TV suffered numerous unexplained malfunctions during his scheduled air time.

Satisfied that I had vanquished my tremendously annoying foe, I turned my attention to domestic issues I'd been neglecting. My sister Susan had been gifted with grandchillin's. Hannah, is a red-haired little sprite of some 12 years now, She looks identical to her Mom, Margaret, at that age. She introduced me to the modern Disney Channel, No more reruns of the prized shows of The Wonderful World of Disney, no! My favorite is one called "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"

But then I kinda liked Hanna Montana, My Grand Niece did for the sembalance in name, so I thought. Wrong, that little minx has subverted an entire generation worse than the pallid writings of wanna-bes like Marx, Engles, Lenin.
I hate to break it to ya, but Societal Upheaval WILL be televised, and boy-howdy it's revolting. A bubblegum girly broke sold-out records in major cities.

Judas What?
Def-Where?
Motley Who?

She's the spawn of the foul one!
Then I found out who she was....

Noooooooo!

She IS the spawn of the foul one....

Writer's block

Actually I have all sorts of things to write but my friends in the blogosphere can write them better.
Go over and check out this from Crystal.
She's my own officially adopted Baby Sister. I just adopted her.
If she were my own sister I may have been in prison for what would have happened to her first husband and his next wife.......

Those reminiscences are over, and she's teaching and being taught by her daughter how to be the kind of people we wish we all could be.

I mean if I do a good deed I usually say, Don't go tellin' nobody! I got a reputation as a badass to uphold.....

I am such a Effing TECHNO STUD!!!

the first picture below is a comparison between the BL-5C battery from my cheap Tracfone, and the BL-5B from my Tmobile Nokia 5300 Xpress Music Phone. I obtained a spare battery for the 5300, but no desk charger. Somewhere I have one for the Tracfones.

kinda hard to put one in another phone huh?

thats the BL-5C at home.......
That's the phone making ready for a Guest Star!
There's the BL-5b propped in by it's big brother and a toothpick.

Another View.......
Didn't take no time at all to charge, I'd have some shots of my 5300, but it were taking the pics.

I have a history of making one phone charge, and use another's batteries.

NOT a babysitter for the faint of heart!

Well I'm officially my Father. I swore I wouldn't become him, but apparent biology and nurture creates a powerful destiny. I spent most of yesterday acting as an unwilling babysitter to a brood of four. The kids are delightful, sharp, open, questioning, curious. The mother and grandmother are coarse and rude. After three or four hours of listening to these two women try to see how many times they could insert the word FUCK into one word, let alone one sentence, I created a ditty for the kids to sing in hopes of throwing a spotlight on the elders' moronic behavior.

Oh! The Fucking Fucker's Fucked to Fuck!
I really can't believe our fucking luck!
It's so fucking jammed and we're fucking stuck!
Cause.... The Fucking Fucker's Fucked to Fuck!

Between that, and teaching them to hit things with a BB gun or an arrow,
Plus general hardcore Democrat abuse, I'm a REEEAAALLLL BBBAAAADDDDDD BBBOOOYYYY!

I'm over the moon!

I got a comment from Breda on twitter.

And the divine Celtic Goddess, (I say Warrior Queen) Brigid, noticed me!

All I need now is a technical observation, from Roberta X.....

And Tam to kindly drop by, and tear me a new one!

Hey! I'm halfway there!

I don't care if anyone else reads me at all! Really I DO! But if I can have the occasional attention of those four, it somehow validates me. Nowadays I can't even find validation at the hospital parking lot.

Maybe I'm still sensitive over my lost love....
No, I craved those women's attentions, from the moment I knew of their splendid existence.

Must read.....

Brigid

"That Special Part of a Mans......."

I was just replacing a Ruger buttplate with a rubber buttpad. That commercial for a man's male enhancement product came on just as I was finishing up. I was treated to the blinking crocodile coquettery of the spokeswoman as she told me that her product: "Increased the size of that special part of a mans' body..."

For some reason I just couldn't stop laughing!

last 3 weeks

I've Loved and Lost. Now she's calling every ten minutes, trying to cut my dick off yet again. I'd hate to have to change the phone numbers over this. I mean she's already taken herself away from me, trashed my hopes for happily ever after. what else does she want? Blood?

my twitter link: http://twitter.com/laugh_locksmith

I guess if she doesn't desist, I could re-post a nude pic of her on the internet.
Naw!

You care more about that mangy dog.....

I have been hit with that accusation. Now it's true that Chester not only has a Website. He also has a valid set of court adoption papers, and a defunct LLC incorporation. The idea was to make him multiply human under the law. I had a Stalinist, Socialist, Democrat as a neighbor that told me that I was going to put down that dog or he'd kill him. Actually I'd have broken every bone in the guy's body before he harmed my dog, Either he's a pet/family member, or he's livestock. Either way, the law was more on my side than his. Mostly cos he was an asshole. He said "You care more about that mangy dog, than you care about my children." I told him if his best uses for his children were as hostages to coerce my behavior, maybe I should contact his ex-wife's lawyer...

He is right though, I decided not to have children, cos I refuse to let the state use them as hostages. Public Schools that are total sewers. Where losers in life can console themselves by destroying the future, by warping our children to their viewpoints. I've been reading Robert Kiyosaki's works and he's relatively mild in his condemnation for an obsolete, flawed, broken, and destructive system.

Michael Vick will do prison time for running a dog-fighting ring. most of the people who will condemn him, will turn around and plop their kids into the public education system. An identical environment....

Maybe I care more about your kids than you thought!
Certainly more than you do....ASSHOLE!

Concealed Carry

It's harder to carry off concealed carry, pardon the pun, than it used to be! When I was younger, non-diabetic, and was yet to succumb to three instances of heat stroke, I could hide a .32 above the hemline of knee shorts. I managed yesterday to carry a .22 in an ankle holster. I also stashed a Tokarev in my waistband. The ankle holster was one of those cut down from a belly-band designs. The pocket was capable of carrying a colt python or charter bulldog. Needless to say it needs work. I think I could make better from an ACE ankle bandage. In fact at one point 27 years back, I DID! Watch this space for further developments!!

Blegging?

well that's what Breda referred to it as. I guess that's a good a name for it as any. I don't have lofty ambitions of attending webloggers conventions. Or making more of a difference than I do now. But for now I'll have the tip jars out in case anyone actually reads my stuff. Yvonne the famed Dutch Bitch, had me in line for a site makeover. Well her life has went from hectic to ballistic, so she isn't doing any blog-pimping for a few more months...

I'll try to tart up my own blog. I used to be a web designer in the early years of the internet. I don't want to sound too needy but......

I'll accept donations via Paypal!

Ruminations Apropos of nothing much

Did ya ever look through the comics pages and realize that they are not only recycling old strips, they are making the characters do double duty. Peppermint Patty, and her sidekick Marci also appear in Doonesbury as Duke, and his sidekick Honey Huan. It would explain a lot of things about Duke's gonzo personality. That over the edge gonzo wacko we know and love is really a lesbian transvestite. I mean Marci and Honey, regardless of their respective backstories, are essentially the exact same person.

I'm sometimes wondering if really I'm just a brain in a jar. It seems all my best ideas get stolen. I had a childhood fantasy of shooting down nuclear missiles with my trusty pea-shooter. Later, the game Missile Command comes out. Some of my best ideas ended up as saturday cartoon entertainment during the 70's and 80's. And a science fiction story I spent a dozen years playing with, has too many elements in common with the tv show Eureka to be fun anymore.

I really need to inform the bloggers I'm literarily stalking, (maybe it's one of those unrequited things where I can tell everyone except them), that I've linked to them and if they'd give me a shout, friendly or otherwise, I'd love them forever, which by my stopwatch is twenty minutes with b vitamins, an energy drink, and viagra....

my inner western badass

What Kind of a Western Bad-Ass are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Charles Bronson You're normally peaceful and friendly, but when trouble strikes you respond with brutal vengeance. And despite having a face like a bashed crab, your sensitive soul helps win over ladies way above you appearance wise. Charles Bronson 100% Clint Eastwood 100% Lee Van Cleef 75% John Wayne 75% Lee Marvin 50%

anyone remember that M*A*S*H episode

Where Hawkeye and BJ ordered a canvas camping bathtub from Abercrombie & Fitch?  A&F is now a fashion house rather than an outdoor supplier.  I decided I want to go camping this summer, and I am most decidedly a tub bather rather than a shower flower.  In my house my baths are the stuff of legend.  I guess I'm the only man ever to institute the on pain of painful death penalty for disturbing my bath.  My adventures with a rubbermaid stock trough are equally legendary.

new post finally

Sorry I have been busy.  Didn't really want to use other peoples' computers for blogging.  About 2 weeks back, our dogs got out, and were gone all day.  So I, staunch upholder of personal freedoms that I am, bought Chester, my Rottweiler, an ankle bracelet.  Now with the RoamEO tracker, I can find them within a mile's radius.  This is only a stopgap.  I'll be building a GPS tracking system that is good to 30 miles.  then I can track dogs, cars, whatever takes it into it's mind to wander off just as I need it.....

I've been playing with the gadget all damn day.....

I've just entered the GPS numbers into Google Earth.  According to this, my dog is located 35 miles sou-south east of my house.  He's actually curled up at the door into the garage.

35 feet accuracy my ass.

PORN Video

Hey!  If anyone gets those yalla cards implying that there's undelivered mail.  Check the 1-800-number through the search bar of your browser.    I didn't until after I called, and now it looks like I'll have to tool on down to Stockton California, and toss around a couple dozen Molotovs before they'll take me off their list.  And my back's hurting too much for that.  I don't mind the occasional pron (oh god I've been hackerized) porn video.  I'm actually quite partial to 70's Sweedish Erotica, starring all my favorite Californians, New Yorkers, and Texans.

What pisses me off is this deceptive mailing practise.......

Their Name is: Diamond Enterprises

Their Number is: 1-800-755-8329

call them, mention the Californicating Attorney General and the one in your state.

Note to Apple!

On your Safari Browser.  If I have to mess with the url to get to My eBay, you need to tweak this thing a bit.

I'd hate for all those things Microsoft has said about you behind your back all these years to be true......

Myself, I thought you sucked since you booted Wozniak........

I've been Outed!!!!

yeah, I was taking my new bug in for it's 30,000 mile checkup. Front office is threatening me with revoking my warranty if I don't bring it in for the 35 and 40,000 mile services. Give a guy a few minutes will ya'? But then when I went to get it back, a little passive/aggressive gesture awaited me.




My Gods! They did NOT just out me as a Phone Phreak. I'm sure they'll say it was coincidence. But I heard the shop manager say..."Use this tag, the last one will go on her car......" I just thought that they were putting a cranky lady ahead of me, no biggie, If I'd known that they were going to out me.

Well, since I'm out of the wiring closet, just let me say... You ungrateful kids today are spoiled to the max, and you have no appreciation of all the hard work that us early outlaws put in to make your pampered asses able to have such an easy kick-back life. And now I got cam access, I'll show you all my toys from back in the day that gave you the easy life......
.....in another post, my back is still on fire from that spoiled little girl running into my car...

Republican? ME?

I just seen the front page of Gus Mueller's Randomly Ever After web journal.  He was around before these were called Blogs.  I thought he hadn't linked to me cause I read his old format.  He dubs me... "my evil Republican twin."  Now it isn't like that at all.  I don't dispute being evil, or a twin to "The Gus".  I may appear Republican, but that's only because I don't like being served up bad grades of Dog Poop, and then being expected to VOTE for one of them.  This time, it seems, we're being shown THREE piles of doggy doo, and asked which one we want shoved in our face for the next FOUR YEARS.......

If I were a Republican, I'd like to think I could get a better quality of Stooge than Bush or Cheney.  The brothers Howard and Larry Fine for starters.......

He also goes on to comment about the number of guns I have.  Gus Baby, you don't know the 1/2 of it!  I just data-based my guns in preparation to become a FFL Gun dealer.  I got more that I thought I did!  Maybe 1/20 as many as Tam...  I later wish to design a few.  I like the 7.62x25 caliber, and I want a more modern gun than a Tokarev or CZ-52.  I think I could make a positive contribution to the gun world....

that's slightly better

Graham Norton is hosting Tony Curtis and Kevin Bacon! In reverse order of eminence, my favorite male star, and the daddy of my favorite female star...

I'll put the pistol down and let my tv live another day.....

I have a special relationship with my TV.
It's the same relationship Scheherazade had with the Sultan.

Not fair both ways, Sherry didn't have access to the entire recorded body of knowledge.
I also give my TV the night off several days a week.
What I'm paying for cable, I should hire people to watch it when I don't.
Wait! I already have them! they are called freeloading, scum, roomies....
I keep them around in case the tv is too damned good, and I still feel like shooting something.

Joking! Matt! Joking!

Am I pathetic or what?

I'm reading Claire Wolfe, watching a Robin Hood Marathon on BBC America, and stuffing the ballot box on the "Should Hillary Quit" banner on the web...

Bugger that for a game of darts...

Oh gawd Read this link

spanish mom's nude calendar.

gosh, some senoras see "calendar girls" and the fabric flies.....

not a Helen Mirrin in the lot.....

But if they are still on ebay go buy one.
Their cause is good, even if their ass isn't.
That wasn't fair, I'm behaving like those spoiled americans....
Give 'em any less that Hefner-Class airbrushed perfection,
They whine, and threaten to call consumer reports....
By the Way, I finally found my missing Playboy.....

hello cousin...

About 30 years ago someone said, "We won't be fighting the Russians over our Freedom, we'll be fighting them over our parking spaces......"

Oh, wait, that was me....

The gubbermint, did their level best to turn me into a hatin' kind of person. I went to teach a class 1/2 full of Russians. Son of a gun, Except for the girls having a cute way of holding their mouth that I've never seen a US citizen employ, they are just like ourselves, only brighter and quicker.

Their weapons are dismissed as 'Cheap Commie Garbage'. Bullshit! I have had any number of CZ-52s in the house. Had more trouble with HK & the Glocks. I just took delivery of a well-used Tokarev 9mm. IT'S A 1903 COLT or BROWNING! You go halfway around the world to find a new love, and it's your first cousin!

Shoots sweet though... I'll be slightly ashamed to convert it back to 7.62X25 mm...

(some time later) Wow, All I have to do is push out a pin holding the mag well spacer, and change the barrel over, I've already taken it through those steps. Rather than wait for sksman.com to ship me a barrel, (and sarco.com to send me mags in both calibers), I have re-assembled the pistol, and taken it out with some 9mm I stumbled over when checking my comm-bloc ammo inventory. I had wolf and CCI aluminum stashed in there, the wolf is obivious in my thinking. I must have equated the speer berdan priming to treason 5 years ago.....Oh well, we'll have some fun....

Holy Mother Russia Batman!

I've been looking to score a spare thousand rounds of 9mm and .45 caliber without having to donate a major organ or group thereof.  Wow!  I just scored 1600 rounds of 7.62X25 millimeter for what I'd spend for 500 or so 9mm.  and I can get a thousand or so 9x18 mm for about that.  I guess since those aren't being flung at random Iraqis, they're going for cheap....

Hello Old Friend....

Well I opened up the secret safe today.  Not content to wait for my new Tokarev,  I dragged out my old CZ-52.  7.62X25 Tokarev ammo is so effin' cheap compared to 9mm, that I'm gonna score a case lot.  I used to compare this to the round back guitar that Roy Clark of Hee Haw fame used to make jokes about.  "I want to meet the man who made this guitar, I'm not going to say a word to him, I just want to look at his stomach...."   I wanted to meet the Czech designers and users of this gun, though I might be afraid to shake their hands.  

But after a year or so of Brownings,  S&W double stack autos, and the occasional Glock, this pistol doesn't feel so alien in my hands any more.  I went out and used up my last stash of old ammo, terrorizing the empty tin can population.  I got some Seller & Bellot in reserve in case anything needs shot before my order arrives from Sportsman's Guide...   One day when I'm really industrious, I'll make these all links.  Right now, I'm going to whittle down my supply of tens of thousands of .22lr, by going out and chasing some tin cans around the country.....

I went through my old ammo supplies, stuff that gun show people would practically give away, rather than pack back home with them.  I have almost a dozen boxes of 7.62X25.  But, I'm still gonna go thru my SG ammo first.  I do decap berdan primed ammo.  Easier to melt the brass, if I don't have to skim out spent primers.  

Lawyers in the Dog Run

I have a favorite threat that I use.  "Ya don't wanna mess wit me, I keep Rottweilers in my house, and lawyers out in my dog run."  I promised a sweet young lady I'd explain that story.  Back about 92-93, I was minding my own business, at a house party, when I was diverted by the sound of...  Well, Bawling...  Pure anguished crying,  I investigated, because male crying is a huge bring-down at a festivity of this sort, and if were just a breakup situation, I could direct a sympathetic female his way, and keep the party hearty.

It turned out that the young man faced a graver matter than the breaking of his young heart.  He had got so far behind in his work, that he was going to flunk out and be sent home from law school.  He had almost a year and a quarter's work to complete in one semester.  I told him I''d help him, despite my natural aversion to the legal profession as a whole, I couldn't stand to see a good life go to waste.

I took over his life, and social schedule at this point, worked him like a dog, and we set up a schedule where he'd get his assignments turned in.  One of his instructors suggested I was doing his work.  I turned over some of my class assignments from my time at another college, and she personally, publicly apologized.  By the end of the semester, my new protege had turned in all the work plus extra credits to make up for his earlier, slackerly, ways.

I didn't stop there.  I found him an office, and made him go to court every day whether he had cases or not.  Usually one goes in as an associate in a law firm.  This has the result of making you into a coffee and paperwork bitch for three years in order to un-learn everything you did in law school.  I found him a secretary that is 1/4 prim brunette, and 3/4's google search.  If she ever quits of gets fired, I'll immediately hire her at twice the salary.  I also was his investigator for his first few cases.

He must have been successful, he takes, 8-10 weeks off around the beginning of November, and spends it in Hawaii.

Returning in February from the second such holiday, he found me laid up from a busted ankle.  I do that from time to time.  While he was visiting, a policeman came over and said, I'd have to clean up the dog run or get cited and have my dogs impounded until the situation was cleared up.  Bill didn't even hesitate, he removed his jacket, borrowed one of mine, and started shoveling out 4 weeks of 4 1/2 dogs well-fed leavings.  The across the street neighbor came over, and asked who the guy was cleaning out the dog run.  Probably with an eye toward getting his Schnauzers picked up after.  I told him that was my pet lawyer.   "John, lemmee get this straight, you keep Rottweilers in your house, and Lawyers in the dog run?"  

I told Bill, he and the cop laughed their head off and within a month the saying was urban legend about me...

john's job jar

got so many little things accomplished at the courthouse today. Even cornered the local Fish & Wildlife guy and got me a set of crow tags. I was told to "use 'em up and ask for more when they are filled".... Not bad for a guy thinking he was going to get 2 weeks behind due to jury duty.

Jury Duty

Y'know I have had jury duty less than three years ago? And they are now grabbing me for two weeks starting tomorrow? (Monday) Today that is, less than six hours from now. Personally I had a date with some tin cans, my 10/22, and eight 25 round butler creek magazines. Or maybe the state would let me bag 200 crows this year. I am a little concerned about the abundance or crows, easily five times as much. I have nothing against them, but, I don't like the idea of being overrun in my neighborhood by them either.

Gun of my dreams!

I scored a Kel-Tec SUB 2000, 9mm Folding carbine. Like most of my pets, it eats prodigiously and has a large bark. Nasty bite too! Already the garbage / recycling guys are hating me. Almost every can in next week's recycling has been shot to shreds. There went all the cheap 100 round boxes of winchester ammo I scored before prices went soaring. I have enough wheel weight metal, to cast new bullets, and I'll be reloading this brass 'til the troops come home. the ad said not to use aluminum cased ammo so I saved that for my 994 Hi-Point.

Damned if one of the cases didn't jam in there. I got it free with the range rod. I'm going to see if I can't buy the winchester, or another brand in 10,000 round lots. Til then, I'll chase some cans around the range with 22lr. those, I just police up, and melt into ingots. Some time soon, I gotta mine the lead out of the berm in front of the backstop. We stacked sod in front of the steel so it wouldn't ricochet.

The Pussy Hunt!

At least that's what we called it before someone w/o a sense of humor objected. Now it's officially, "The Kitty Round-up". Myself and three different motorcycle groups, round up as many feral cats as we can, let the vets examine them, spay or neuter them, give them necessary shots, and release them back into their feral habitat. I got the idea yay number of years back from Rossi, and unashamedly stole it. Now we scan through about 20 areas where there is a large population of stray cats once every four months. Last year, I scored the donation of pet id chips, so tracking the kitties is easier, now we just hold a scanner on every cat brought in, and we can focus upon the cats which aren't chipped. lots faster than checking pictures and descriptions. One time one of the ladies suggested a spray of day glo green to mark the kitties done recently....

Crazy, of course! But then chasing down the most un-domesticated felines with only cheap harbor freight welding gloves to keep them from biting down to the bone... THAT'S really crazy...

spring cleaning!

I just finished a session of spring cleaning known as "Mucking out the dog run". This involves removing all the dead leaves, poo, and anything else out there. (I broke the dogs of leaving toys outside. If it's out there during spring cleaning, It goes bye bye.) Then everything gets scrubbed with several kinds of disinfectant. Chester has had several outbreaks of 'hot spot'. (Mild Staph) and I'm going to find those micro buggers, and murder them, and their entire race. and outside the run I have to plant large, fragrant, aromatic, and smelly bushes. Every 2-3 years.... To cover the stink a trio of Rotty's, one Cocker-Dingette, and guest stars, can make. Actually the current bushes are good for another year or more, I just have to work out with my neighbor, a yard of space between her dog run and mine, so I can maintain the shrubs, without one set of doggies or another eating them, or pooping them to death... plus the citronella bushes kill fleas as a beneficial side effect.

changing locks

First I got to remove the locks from the door... Pick open the ones that don't come with a key...
(I like that part, improves my skill set, and I can charge extra.) then I reference the pin depth chart for that model.
Small square on the lid of the big pinning box.
Then rack my memory for the offset. Meaning do I go one or two sizes smaller.
See, when that pin chart was made was 20-40 years ago, and the tolerances have slightly tightened up. Only 5 or ten thousandths... The pins differ in size by either 5 or 3 thousandths. and in diameter by 20 thousandths. In my 25 years of locksmithing I haven't had to splurge on the .003 pin kit or either of the .095 diameter pin kits. I have had to replace the .115 diameter .005 increment pin kit twice. In addition to ordering replacement pins. I used to eyeball the sizes, now I work with an enormous lensed lamp, and tweezers that could be used under a microscope. I just the other day pinned a hundred unit apartment complex. 2 locks per door, and some of the units had a front and back door. Add in the utility closets, the laundry room etc. And you have Big John being one hurting unit at the end of the day....
Usually one does this in stages, as tenants come and go. Sometimes, they don't even change the locks as the tenants come and go, if they get the right number of keys back. But THIS TIME the manager left under a cloud and no one could find his keys. Crack-head probably left them in a drug house somewhere.
So Big John has to come out and do a 12 hour work day to fix everybody's locks. Lest the evil crack-head former manager drive up with a u-haul, and steal everyone's goodies...

Don't get me wrong, I love the work, and the emergency money was right tasty. But the management company is one of those who require a contract before they go to the toilet. And all their contract wanted me to do was pledge to be their free slave on those locks the rest of my life. I tore up the contract and told them that I'd do the work and get paid. My invoice guarantees my work for 60 days. If they can find someone who'll sign their stupid contract, fine. But I'd be willing to bet if he/she were dumb enough to sign that toilet paper, they're too dumb to do the work they signed up for...

In the end they did things my way....
Next time, I'll do the job over two days though.....

the bible told me so.

a few years ago I read something in a book (bible is latin for book) that didn't jibe with my understanding of that subject. I went and grabbed my tools, and experimented until I proved the book wrong. Actually a lot of my friends has read the same line in that book and took it as gospel. The Gospel According to John D MacDonald. It was a procedural issue with how handcuffs can be shimmed. He said that there were special knurled places that prevent shimming. I never found any.

I have escaped from every set of handcuffs ever put on me. The cops now know better than to cuff me in an unsocial situation. I tend to embarrass them in booking by tossing the cuffs to them, as I get out of the car.

I have parlayed this into a good lecture class.

"The second best way to get out of handcuffs is to use a key.
The third way is a shim made from mommy's large bobby pin.
the first? oh that's not to get them put on you to begin with...."

At the end of the class, I give the students a cuff key, a large bobby pin, and tell them to either buy a pair of cuffs, or have a local cop cuff them, and run off with the cuffs. Sorry if I've caused either Matt G or Lawdog to lose a pair of cuffs......

The high cost of Civilization.

I paid three bills on-line today Gas-Electric, Phone, and Cable TV/Internet. It ate up $550 like that. Leisurely civilized living sure costs a lot. I'm seriously thinking of transferring our 43 year old land-line number to a cell phone, and living without cable for a while. I guess I could also cut down on gas and electric expenses. I'm using a wireless laptop that accesses my neighbor's internet. I could do that for a month or three. Then consolidate the phone/cable/internet on cable. There's wild wimmin I could be wasting that money on.

say hello to my little friend

A couple of Mondays ago, I was drifting thru Goodwill with my Dad. Senior Discount Day, YAY! Tools speak to me, An Axe with a weathered handle was like a puppy at the Humane Society. I just Had to take that puppy home. A Random Act of Kindness. I ended up having to split some firewood for a friend who lost their electricity. My new friend and I, after a bonding experience of sharpening, made firewood and stove wood in nothing flat. Now after a bonding experience with an inanimate object, I feel I have to attach a name to the object. A friend left me his stainless .45, and after not having seen him for six months or more, I figured the gun was mine for the money he owed me. I won some awards with it, and had "Grapefruit .45" engraved on the slide to honor it for working, when a certain "as seen on tv" diet aid hadn't.

Of course then the bastard showed up and repaid me -with interest- and demanded his gun back.

When Business is slow at my friend's tattoo shop, I'll take my new friend down there. I'll have him engrave "Random Axe of Kindness" on either side of the blade.....

In other news, my Tracfone has successfully been renewed for another 3 months, hey I love the number.

No I didn't give it a name.

Beyond Disgust

Heath Ledger was found dead this morning. My only feelings in the matter are a great sadness that a young man who had the best of everything, died, either by his own hand, or by random event. What really angered me was the comments below the news article. According to the constitution we have a first amendment right of freedom of expression. This allows one to compare the serving president to a chimp, without being sent to a detention camp. This allows one to comment that the vice-president is not someone you'd want to go duck hunting with. This allows an artist to create a statue of Mary, Mother of Jesus, and cover it with elephant dung.

The people on AOL news commenting on mr. Ledger's untimely death are definitely of the elephant shit variety. I'd like to think that the people who hounded the girl on myspace to her death were the exception to human behavior. It seems they are the rule. Cowardly turds who hide behind the internet's anonymity to be hateful and hurtful.

If you want to impress people with how studly you are....
Fix a broken plaster wall, instead of breaking one.
Heal instead of hurt.

Any stupid shit can break things....
fix what's broken, then you'll impress me.....

Cheating on my true love already???

Yep, I'm such a dog. Those who read my previous post know that I reunited with my one true first love, a Smith and Wesson 469 9mm pistol, after more than 25 years. I'm already cheating on her. I don't regard the little fling with dad's new .38 to be cheating. I'm such a Bill Clinton. I'm running around on her behind her back with a Browning Detective Model. It's not her fault, it's mine. I just fell in love with the way my hands caressingly, but firmly, grip her frame. Actually, I suppose neither one would mind a threesome....

Together at last - A Twisted Love Story

Hey Matt G. I went to pick up my christmas presents today. The ones that have a 7 day waiting period. Cause I'm too cheap to carry a Concealed Weapons Permit. The first is a Taurus copy of a 5-shot S&W .38 for my Dad. You and Tam will be hatin' on it maybe, but, I'll be roasted along with your beans, before I unass $150 extra for a name brand.

The second IS a name brand, and the first gun I fell in total love with. One afternoon at the Montgomery Wards store, I saw it, just as it were depicted in the magazine. A Smith and Wesson 469 autoloader. Officer Eddie Mahoney, also known as Singer Eddie Money, was on the store musak system singing "I think I'm in Love!" .

After several illicit encounters involving much handling and fondling, I patiently saved up my paper route money. On my twenty-first birthday, I was going to pay the small ransom Uncle Monty wanted, and I was going to be united with my own true love.

On my Birthday, I strode into the store. I had the money. I had the tax. I had extra for ammo to feed my sweet small darling. I was even prepared to tip my chaperone, at the gun counter. He was prepared to spray "Just Married" on the rear window or trunk of my car.

About three days before, the store had ceased selling pistols. The sympathetic counter man tried to console me with a serious discount on a rifle or shotgun. I was inconsolable. After all we'd been seeing each other for nearly a year. He clued me to where he had sold the stock of pistols. I sped there. My darling had left only a day before. I knew my rival wouldn't appreciate it like I would.

I went home and licked my wounds. Tried to lose myself, I went with a Llama .45, A FN Browning. I cheated on the Browning with it's short slide sister. Various cheap pistols from the Ring of Fire region in California. Raven, and Davis are honest cheap pistols. I still bear the scars of my short-lived relationship with the .380 Jennings. It made me realise that the "beaver tail" on an autoloading pistol's frame serves an important purpose.


I finally decided on a Makarov 9X18 pistol. Got a deal on a couple of thousand hollow points. Someone was telling me about a 9mm S&W revolver. I remembered my first love. I got on to auctionarms.com, and there it was. I could even hear the oldies channel playing OUR SONG! I bid. My darling came to me slightly worn on the surface from it's years away. We went to the range and together we accounted for 100 rounds of 9mm both the 115gr and the 147gr. Acutally I think the almost 25 years made us both better for each other. Back then I was a callow and foolish youth. Now I'm a mature, understanding man. More sensitive and attuned to a gun's needs.

Next Payday, I'm going to the Police Station for an important document. The State calls it a Concealed Carry License, I consider it a sacred commitment.

I wonder if the officers will spray "Just Married" on the rear window of my VW New-Bug?